I feel the need to write to clear my mind and make it easier for me to relax. The part of my life that seemingly died to the untrained eye five months ago is very much active, alive and for the most part – amazing, once more. It is very frustrating at times just because I want everything to happen all at once, and perhaps I expect too much or push too hard but it is just an amazing feeling to be back at this once more. Especially now that things have changed so much, I have much more faith and much more drive this time around to make things absolutely perfect. Perhaps I do get a bit over zealous at times and require too much attention and time, but hey – when you go five months without something it becomes hard to imagine life without it ever again even for more than a little bit at a time. Think of it like this, the power goes out (I will use this since most of us in Western NY experienced this)… its very hard to live without power, but you eventually get used to it… then the power comes back and all you want to do is bask at the artificial glow of the ceiling lamps illuminating the room around you, feel the warmth of the air as the vents breathe a sense of new vitality onto you lifting your spirits, or the hum and whirl of electronic devices that suddenly become music to your ears. Well now, take that and turn that into a person… you love the warmth of the person, holding them in your arms and wishing you never had to let go again for fear that if you do, perhaps it will happen again. You talk just to get a reply to hear the sound of their voice as the music of each consonant and vowel perfectly formed together in words sneak out past their lips. The look of that person just being in your presence… like you had never thought could be again. I’ve been clinging to these things above all riches and wonders – avoiding anything that could distract from it. It’s overwhelming, perhaps for both of us but moderation is something very hard to attain in these circumstances. Nature always seems to win, and despite all those who criticize me for going down this path again – I will not listen. I know where pieces belong together, I know how to make them fit… it just takes time. Time is something that seems more urgent to me just because of one thing standing in the way rapidly losing its power over the situation. The time will come for that to end, and at that point it will just be like a supernova… the end of one thing and the beginning of something new and incredible. I know not what today holds, perhaps not even tomorrow or the day after – but when all is said and done and everything has fallen into its place. I know where it will all stand, at that point and I take comfort and refuge in it.