I’m quite tired but I figured I would post an entry now that I’ve banned that pesky asshat. So, I am at a very uncertain point of my life… regardless of what is – I am resolving this all by this upcoming Wednesday. I need to leave New York, ASAP. I am suffocating here, but – the problem is I love someone very dearly and hate to leave without them. So bring them with you right? Not as simple as that. Though there is a specific asshat currently being pesky and standing just a bit in the way – he’s on his way out. We’ve discussed warmer locations, mainly just one place. Charleston, my favourite city I’ve ever been to. I was happy when it came up as her number one place on findyourspot.com, as it is mine and I’ve been there and loved it. So, this is one option… maybe. The other is joining the Air Force, and that is the end all. Next Wednesday if we’ve not made a definitive conclusion on what we’re doing I am just enlisting and then I would be off to San Antonio within a month to begin training. I have a lot of anxiety right now like I’m not doing anything and I need to get away. While I want to get away with the one whom I love above all else. There is a complication that needs to be dealt with and my patience is beginning to fade, and while the situation is beginning to disintegrate, it is not fast enough for my liking. It has been causing a lot of stress and I am glad to be getting it out. I’ve been very occupied trying to figure out what I am going to do. My resume has been getting hit on monster.com like a bleeding twelve year old in shark infested water, so it isn’t like I am restricted. I’ve had about 20 views in the past 4 or 5 days which is awesome. I may not have stuck out the college route at this point in my life, but I’ve gone ahead and advanced professionally an enormous amount and that speaks just as loud as a degree. My experience has basically lead me through all sorts of IT related work, business and retail banking, foreign exchange in several markets and many other side projects I’ve picked up along the way (www.cellardoor-solutions.com). I know I could find a job easily but I have been so indifferent about what I am going to do with myself. The Air Force will give me 4 years to figure it out and give me some sort of direction and an even more advanced skill set. While I’ve advanced quite a bit professionally and am an upper level employee for the world’s largest financial institution making decent pay, it isn’t what I want in life. What do I want? Hmm… I’m not sure, something that makes me feel satisfied and accomplished. A challenge that can be fun. Oh, and of course her. I suppose at this point I shall retreat for the evening into sleep… I’ve been having lucid dreams a lot lately, it is interesting how they come and go – anyhow, good night.

- Ryan