Regardless of all of the other things going on with my life, work, projects, friends, future plans… Sometimes it’s best for me to just get some things out in the open and off of my chest rather than let it stew and consume me. What do you do when the person you love more than the air you breathe has turned on you, when you’ve become a victim of the most unlikely circumstances and failed to be as resilient as you know you should have been – forced to deal with equally as unlikely circumstances. Is it wrong to expect people to understand and to have some sort of flexibility when you’ve handed out forgiveness for much larger things? Is saying you’re sorry ever enough? Are the expensive flowers enough? Is accepting the fact that you are culpable for this all when maybe it isn’t really all you, but you take it because you love someone — is that not enough? Typically, I use this site as a forum to showcase other talents but sometimes it comes to this and I apologize and if you do not care then I implore you to look at something else. It’s not a cry for attention; it’s not a cry for sympathy but that of a lack of comprehension despite the capacity of a mind well able to solve some of life’s most difficult situations. I’m certain that everyone at times will have those days where they wish they didn’t get out of bed, where life just seems to be too much – but when it begins to dominate everyday something needs to be done. The nights in bed starring at the ceiling just aren’t enough to calm the storm brewing in my mind… when I look beside me and there’s no one there… Waking up alone, still alive for better or worse but missing half of myself – the infinitely better half that inspires me, drives me onward and gives me hope. When that is lost what is left? A shell, cracked and lusterless washing back and forth on the beach passed by for its imperfections but it wasn’t always so. The hand you long to hold again is long gone, the warm body laying beside you now nothing but a memory of a feeling that you can’t feel and you’re scared to death it will always be so. When you can’t move from step 3 to 7 because 4 through 6 involved being someplace you’re not with someone you’re not doing something you’re not – and there’s that thing burning inside you like it should have never been this way why can’t she remember the better side of things? Those nights spent lying together laughing and smiling, are nothing now than a specter of an intangible place you forgot how to get to. The maps are all incorrect and your compass points south when it should be pointing north. It’s that feeling of being alone in a crowded room that sets you apart and opens your eyes to a world where everything is simplified to it’s most common denominator resulting in a spectrum of grey. There’s nothing to say, there’s everything to say but the problem is where to begin and how to begin? Can we retrace the steps as if it never happened? I guess the question will linger in my mind now until a time my mind can no longer entertain such guests. When it becomes old and slow and finally one day, for no apparent rhyme or reason ceases to go on – without a two weeks notice just walks out of the job and I’ve got to come along. Am I so terrible? Half of what I say means nothing but I say it so that you may hear the other half.