Things just don’t feel right anymore. There’s like a massive void where something amazing used to be. I find I am much more reclusive and pessimistic… Sigh.

I hate Airlines, and nonrefundable plane tickets, and how they change your itinerary at their will but you can’t.

.– – ..-. !!!

At least my MacBook will be here this week. Maybe that will inspire me to do something creative and interesting. Wow I really have gone through a complete 360 degree change… I used to be so much more interesting and fun and full of life. Sorry for the last remaining people who visit here. Maybe I will try to get back into podcasting or something.

- Ryan

Well, I’m sitting alone in my room… I was somewhat productive today I guess.  I did the adopt a highway thing with the detachment this morning and I did do laundry and fold/put away also made my bed and uploaded some new pictures to the Flickr so that is something.  I didn’t go to the gym, I got dressed for it – in fact I am in my clothes now but I just didn’t gather up the energy today.  My life is an enigma to me, more specifically my relationship.  I wish I understood things better.  4 days until I fly home… I have a feeling this trip will make or break a lot of things.  I have high hopes but sometimes I am afraid they are just that…  I wish I were back home for good.  I miss my friends, my dummy, my brothers and sisters… being a free man.  Oh well… just over 3 years left.  Seems like forever though.

- Me.

Well, day 2 of not eating very much.  Yesterday I had a breakfast sandwich and a Hershey bar with Almonds.  I think today I will just go with cereal and water and orange juice.  I’m going to go to the gym after school for an hour or so.  I’m tired.  Also not in a very pleasant mood.  People who hold grudges are silly.

me.

its eleven o’clock and i just put down the 3 day old arby’s sandwich when i realized it didn’t taste quite right.  now i’m back to gingerly sipping at my jug of orange juice.  yay for vitamin c.  i wish i could sleep, there is too much on my mind and its like an easy bake oven in my room (thanks air force!) – good thing they turned the heat on here in arizona. ew that sandwich may very well kill me.  oh she loves me.  bad after taste, fuck you arby’s!  i have to raise flags in 8 hours.  tomorrow will be a long day… we have pt in the afternoon.  sigh…  i am clearly not focused well right now… i think its exhaustion but this damned heat…  bitches.

-me (of course)

It’s amazing to look back and see how much more active I used to be with this sort of thing, blogging, making creative content, so on and so forth and how much more interaction I used to get and how many more views I used to get… not much anymore.  I guess going into the Air Force has changed my life quite a bit, and in a sense has made me more boring.  I don’t have the ability to do the things I used to and everything I do now is classified.  So…

I am currently living on an army base in Sierra Vista, Az (Ft. Huachuca) – it is pretty remote out here in the southern part of the state on the border of Mexico surrounded by mountains.  For the most part the weather is perfect, the scenery is gorgeous and the people are nice.  There isn’t much out here and that really doesn’t bother me too much.  The thin air sucks quite a bit for running but the three mile battalion run last Friday went fine for me.  I certainly miss home, and I certainly miss Claire (oops) – always on my mind.  I am coming home for Thanksgiving which I am looking forward to very much.  I am progressing very well through my training here and am hoping to graduate early.  Then I get my leave before going to Korea for a year… blah.  So many things on my mind and so many things I don’t know how to say.  My life is far from where I ever thought it would be… Oh well…  I guess that’s all… I need sleep now.

-Ryan