It’s just another ordinary hot July night as just another ordinary twenty something year old young man sits beneath the artificial glow of lights far above him, brooding over the things he’s done and left undone. He sits deeply entranced as one sometimes will when they reach some sort of epiphany or greater level of thought that can only be brought about by such a limited amount of stimuli, in this particular case many come into play. He thinks about his regrets, all the things he did wrong, all the times he’s been inconsiderate, all the times he said the wrong thing, all the times he hurt her and takes it all in as if nursing the wounds to some ferocious boxing match gone horribly awry. He thinks about his sadness and loneliness, the feeling of being over a thousand miles away from home – whatever home is, perhaps nothing more than where she is and how the only thing he could ever dream of or have hopes for would be of that moment it somehow all comes together and he is standing in her presence. He battles his doubt, his crippling doubt – the doubt that he’ll ever see her again.
Two familiar faces walk by as he sits alone, they wonder what he’s doing and why he’s there to which he skillfully and altogether far too mechanically responds with the forced grin and forced tone that nothing in particular is going on, perhaps he’ll meet them later. This answer seems to suffice and again, nothing but the glow of the lights above and the clouded over moon hanging far off in the distance to keep him company.
Memories flicker through the deep recesses of his mind, echoes of laughter and of words – eerie, to say the least – perhaps to some varying degree haunting or tormenting. He can almost feel her in his arms; see her sitting with him staring back into his eyes with the most gorgeous blue eyes to ever come into this world. The nearly audible warm and comforting laughter of himself and of her, together harmoniously, for however long now infinitely looping serving as either constant joyous remembrance or eternal torture – so deafening the noise. A kiss, a hug, a loving smile – as if just moments had passed since those days yet he is consciously and painfully aware of the time now gone as an older reflection of himself blankly stares back from the puddle nearby.
And then there were words. Not hers but his, an infinite roar of syllables crashing into each other in a most anarchic fashion. Spinning in his mind are the words, the chaos, the uncertainty of what to say, and how to say it – when to say it, how to say it. The pendulum swings back and forth and time moves on, yet he still sits
brooding, a broken remembrance of something once much better – as he battles himself to try to find some way to bring it all together.
The mind’s eye still sharp and ever vigilant incapable of seeing any other way, it sees the truth. It sees and he knows everything that he is – and its everything opposite of what she thinks. His heart beats steadily, a comforting pulse speaking proudly with an unconditional infallible love. It aches, and it yearns
there must be some way. Mind, heart and body all in complete synchronization in what they know they need.
Lastly, there’s the void. The dark emptiness that is the source of all of this
that place torn from him when he cast aside his armour to let her in. Voids are rather complex instances of nature, of a bond broken but not lost – held in place by love – a love that does not falter, one that stands steadfast in what it believes. It’s that belief that keeps it all from being sucked into the void itself, causing complete annihilation to another foolish soul. The belief that he can. Furthermore, the knowledge of the fact that he can. He remembers. He loves. He fights. He lives. He dreams. He breathes. He is everything he was, and nothing that he was – rising up, he stands vivified. He holds out an empty hand and she does not appear to take it
no, not a dream – this is reality. She is there and he is here, and there’s over a thousand miles in between. He thinks again of the words she says, that hurt him so much and she doesn’t even see
echoing again – you don,t care about anyone but yourself, I’m not interested in you, I don’t care, I don’t love you. I don’t want to see you. Its a pain that would get to anyone but deep inside, beyond it all a faint voice quietly still says I love you, I always have. This above all is gives him strength, by no means is he weak, by no means does he want to be a burden, by no means is he wrong for her. He knows that he was made for her and she was made for him but mistakes were made. In lieu of all that which has come before, he knows there is still hope for as long as the words can be heard faintly in his mind he will never give up. He will see her again, he will make her smile again, he knows who he is and he knows who she thinks he is
he knows in time, all of this will change and he knows he will hear those words again someday. He closes them up and keeps them close to his heart, looking one last time blankly at the moon he turns sharply and heads down a faintly lit corridor, turns into a door and is gone. He’s just an ordinary twenty something year old man with dreams he must fulfill.
