sound off the sirens, calling all guards
an analog compendium of unabridged white noise
fade out, fade out – hear the quiet shout
dastardly catastrophe bringing down the walls
see it crumble, see it crash and look the other way
monotone, monotonous, weary winded requiem
ignoble recluse’ introspective monologue
falling rain – mind numbing pain, quiet demise come
smile and turn away, smile and turn away
no one knows just why things became this way
all alone staring off into the storm a sigh
oh what a fool i am. look, look – oh lost dream

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you will stop at nothing to obtain it? Life is like a game of capture the flag I guess… whether it be a job, money, or love – you’re always up against something else. Have you ever wanted that certain gift for your birthday when you were young and you wanted it so bad you would do anything to get it? Then one day you unwrap your presents and there it is – only it isn’t what you expected at all. Instead you’re met with disappointment which can be heart breaking. The thing that you believed would make you so happy turned out to be a bust. I think everyone has the need to believe in something; some chose to believe in god or to believe in no god (because it is a belief, you can neither prove nor disprove), some chose to believe in themselves, some chose money, some chose power, and even in love. Its when you believe in one thing so completely you become oblivious to the world around you that it all falls apart – it sounds so obvious to state but it is so easy to do. You have your extreme atheists, your fanatical religious people, your corporate bastards and the hopeless romantics – all desperately doing everything in their power to believe. In the end, all of them miss out. It is a hard lesson learned through only the grinding gears of time and the pain of heart break that one can truly understand and know this, but it is so critical. Life is so very short in the grand scheme of things, and no matter what you believe – you only have one shot as the you that you are right now. Is it worth the pain and grief of holding so steadfast to anything? Moderation is the key. There comes a point after those countless sleepless nights where letting go is the only option left.

Good night,
Ryan

I’m annoyed by how politically correct America has become, no one can be offended anymore so we have to make modifications to traditions the country has had for 2 centuries! I’m tired of clerks telling me to have a happy holiday, it’s Christmas and New Year you spineless twit doing what the man tells you to do! I’m being sarcastic but I do think it is pretty dumb no one says Merry Christmas anymore. It was a breath of fresh air to see all of my e-mails flying back and forth at work today (there are hundreds due to my position) all containing Merry Christmas in them – and I work for a company larger than your fat uncle who makes a pig out of himself every holiday and passes out in his dinner plate. I don’t see what the big deal is, “wah I’m offended” – everyone is offended by everything, is this a problem? No, just everyone is too sensitive because our free country enables it. I think we need to throw rocks at those people. Heavy ones. I don’t care what race you are, what your religion is, what sex you are – I want you to have a Merry Christmas god damn it! Even that seems like a paradoxical thing to wish on someone as I scorn witnessing capitalism and commercialism rear its ugly head out where people need to punch eachother for a stupid Elmo toy that just screams sexual harassment is going to play a roll in that child’s future sooner or later. Blah, Christmas is about spending time with your family and taking some time from our busy little worker bee lives to focus on family – and whether or not you’re Christian go believe in something even if it is as simple as a close friend or relative or even yourself. It’s hard to live without believing in anything. I am very ba-humbug towards the stupid side of Christmas but I like the rest of it. It is a good time to stop looking at everything that went wrong this year and look at everything that went right. For me, it was a year of ups and downs but right now is certainly and up and hopefully it will be… even uh, more… uppier? – at the conclusion of the year. I certainly have a whole plethora of things I can be pleased about this year, despite a few pit falls along the way – alas, here I am and that is a rather comforting thought.

- Ryan

Everyone has one of those days where they just feel like everything is going wrong, all hope is lost and it’s not even worth going ahead. Today I had one, as did someone very dear to me. I distanced myself because I thought that is what I wanted, and it went on all day – then I heard a song that made me think things over. George Harrison’s beware of darkness. Each word grasping me and telling me, this isn’t the way. I began to feel regret. I remembered reading about the solar flare today that disrupted the magnetic field of the earth so I went outside for a walk to watch the Aurora Borealis elegantly flickering up in the Northern sky comforting and reaffirming me – and then, as if that weren’t enough I saw a massive shooting star I quickly wished upon before it burned out. The words of the song churning over in my mind, the beautiful sky, the shooting star and the warmth of the night air all permeated the walls I had put up around me and then made them crash down. Everyone has bad days, sometimes they extend to multiple days but it should not govern us in such a way that we become cold. I believe in my idea once more, the words I had told myself I’d never say floated into the air slowly like a feather being carried by a gust of wind – I love you. Three simple words that contain more power than splitting atoms. Sometimes it is taken for granted, disregarded, ignored and cast aside – but it never should be. Our futures intertwined indefinitely leading on to happier days, now my world is at peace. As I gazed at the sky and the stars I thought of the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever looked into sparkling with life and potential, and love. Quite simply, she is the most beautiful and amazing person I’ve ever come across despite all the hardships we’ve had and all the challenges – we’re still battling against the current moving forward and then some day, the waters will still and the howling winds will turn to calming gentle breeze and finally, the rain will subside and the sun will shine down on us making us remember just what we saw in the first place. For those who read this and expected something funny or nerdy, sorry. For those who found some sort of inspiration, I’m glad. And for you – you are the reason my heart beats.

Good night everyone,
Ryan