I woke up and was in a bit of a bad mood so I went for I walked, as I walked the mood passed and now I feel wonderful. Today will be a fantastic day. It is everything I could have asked for. It is a beautiful day, I’ve found a renewed feeling of energy to carry on and be okay. Things can be twisted depending on perspectives, if it important for me to remember this and all people as well. Each person has their own sense of truth – however, this does not make it truth. If I feel I am the luckiest man alive, and to me that is my truth – then I am delusional, clearly I am not that lucky. I live in a small apartment, do not have substantial money, and have a lot of things that need to be ironed out in my life. The point is, it takes a much bigger and wiser person to be above it all and sort fact from fiction, reality from delusions – I’ve found my balance. I have peace now. I have been listening to Oasis as I’ve been writing this, stop crying your heart out – it is a great song. Here are the lyrics.

Hold up… hold on… don’t be scared
You’ll never change what’s been and gone
May your smile… Shine on… Don’t be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Because all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you’ll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up… Come on… why you scared
You’ll never change what’s been and gone

Life is an unpredictable, uncontrollable force that will at times chew you up and spit you out and at other times build you up and place you on a mantle for you to shine while others see you. I’ve been to both ends and back, now I’m somewhere in between. I just want to live life, whatever happens is fine with me. Whether the sky falls or not, I will always be me. Why should I let stress and other’s delusions dictate how I live? I should not. So, I shall not. A burden on my life has been lifted. Have a good day everyone.

- Ryan

(something I wrote)
There are those nights where you just can’t sleep
When you wake up and you want nothing more than to weep
Those moments in silence where you slowly rise to your feet
Turning to the door, leaving, headed down the street
The silence tears you apart and breaks your heart
If there is a rest of my life, how do I start?
Thinking over the question carefully deep in thought
You wish instead of fleeing you would have fought
You’re hurt and you’re ready to surrender and leave
Staring blankly showing, there’s nothing up your sleeve
You’re out of ideas, out of inspiration, out of reason
And you’re feeling guilty as if you’ve committed treason
Walking down the rail road tracks of life with a sigh
Milkweed seed wishes from when you were a kid came here to die

Just then, when all hope seems lost the sun rises again
Then there is the startling realization today has only began
Peace of mind comes in the breeze blowing through your hair
You realize, in fact – you’re not the only one who will care

I’ve seen the hatred spawned from lies
I’ve seen the evil glowing within their wicked eyes
I’ve watched them choose who dies
They don’t care as long as someone else buys
Tomorrow Will Be Different

I’ve seen the evil grins and wicked crooked sneers
I’ve witnessed even the best believe what he or she hears
For goodness sake, I’ve seen the lies make tears
And I’ve seen them all manipulate fears
Tomorrow Will Be Different

I once loved a girl, beautiful and smart
The lie she fed me – her best work of art
I’ve nearly fallen victim to a broken heart
But whatever ends; something new must start
Tomorrow Will Be Different

I’ve seen the ignorant proud and fair
Hoping and praying the whole world will stare
Envious of what they got, but in truth no one will care
Liars lie to Liars, a piece of deception pie to share
Tomorrow Will Be Different

So who will be the one to take a stand
Who will lead them all to dry land
Who will be the one to lend a hand
Who will will lead the broken down band
Yes, Tomorrow Will Be Different

I will not be the one to hire
For that’s a job I have no desire
My part is small, just to inspire
I will be the one to light the fire
Tomorrow Will Be Different

So what if its you, can you feel your heart pound
If you listen to silence do you hear a sound
Are your feet firmly planted on the ground
And you know the earth is round
You Will Be Why Tomorrow Is Different

Here I am suffocating on the ocean floor with no hope anymore. My lungs begin to burn and I feel my stomach churn. The last ray of hope has vanished and I’m stuck here with no rope.

The chaotic cluster of continuous looping thoughts, constantly and consistently destroys me in my sleep.

Waking without you was one thing I never wanted to do. The empty spot where you laid hurts more than being shot.

It dawned on him just how small he really was as he gazed upwards at the man made marvels glistening in the sky. The darkness could not seem to find its place in the mass of lights and billboards, so it settled just above the bright glow of the skyline. The night air was warm and damp, nothing that he had been exposed to before at this time of the year. Walking with no destination in a city that seemingly never ends he felt alone. The streets were empty and the doors were locked and it seemed that the city slept as he quietly krept along the concrete paths. In his lonely and solitary walk he decided he wanted to talk, so he called her and she was far away. He said oh dear, you listen here – you should be walking along with me / you’ve made some decisions don’t you see that this is where you should be. Making his way down historical trails, walked by the rich and the poor and now finally him he knew where he belonged. Finding his way back under the ground into the man made mechanical worm that tunnels its way all over the city and stops only for its contents to surface he climbed in and sighed. Clicking and clanking and weaving and speeding he found his stop after several had gone by. Out of his new artificial friend and again into the bright night sky. Sleep came and he was lonely, he wanted nothing more than to be with her. All through the night he was wrestles – and so a few hours he slept no more and no less, then the sun came again to his distress. Gathering his tired mass and finding his way to the door he was amazed to see the place in full light. The foggy smog of exhaust and cold morning air lingered above hazing over the buildings elegantly making them difficult to see. Off to explore just a little bit more, but soon he’d be coming back to her. He decided he had seen enough of all of this stuff and got into his car and headed out for home. The road was long and winding but he made his way forward. And then he was home and for a minute he felt alone until she walked in wearing a grin his spirits lifted and he was now happy. I’ve missed you so, said the boy to the one. And I’ve missed you replied her as well. He held her close and was happy and told her of the journey he had. All the puzzle pieces began to come together, as they too found happiness in each other.

Marching footsteps approach with great thunder
Both sides nervous and beginning to wonder
To each side they’re right
Fire in their eyes and victory in sight
Smoke billows and noise ensues
People wonder if this was a wise war to choose
A bullet to the heart and life flows out
A young boy runs over to shout
The man speaks softly and says – you are my son
This battle won’t be won
Tears begin to build up and flow
The boy responded oh father you’ve watched me grow
With a last breath the man replies
Don’t give up – victory is in your eyes
Have virtue my boy and do me proud
Now I will sleep so very sound
As the life in his eyes left the north advanced and won
The father’s death was not in vain – freedom rises with the sun
Tears of joy and tears of sorrow
Who declared this a civil war – history will change tomorrow.

(Another older one)