punctuation and capitilization is for squares – dashes are the best way to go between thoughts. anyhow i have no idea what the heck is going on with me anymore, i pretty much love and hate my life right now. why are the things that should be the simplest the hardest and vice versa, if you ask me it’s all a huge conspiracy – i pretty much dont want to deal with it. i’m going on vacation aug 18-21st, i need to get away from everyone ~ i’m going to visit my wonderful aunt and uncle in mass whom i adore. work is going along okay i guess. nothing else to report on, i think i’m gonna start playing shows in the fall again – i know i say that every week but that is looking like thats what is going on. i will hopefully be moved out of this house and will find a place soon then i can play loud music whenever i want and not get yelled at by hypocrits who listen to their crap rap music super loud. regardless, i don’t know. i don’t mean to be so complex and maybe i’m not i just don’t want to open up about anything. it’s amazing how much i love people as a whole and yet at the same time feel so detached and so aloof. i have no clue, maybe someday i’ll get some nerve and write whats really on my mind

god bless

sometimes you don’t even realize things and then when you do it hits you like a jet – i am dreading this, things should have been different

I have no idea where to even begin writing. So much has changed, gotten better then worse and up and down and so on. I’m pretty sure I found the key to my happiness, I just can’t seem to reach it. Life can be a stupid bitch sometimes, pardon my phrasing. I hope you’re all so damn swell.

love,
Ryan

ps.) I really did find my friends, they’re in my head.

I need to not eat fast food anymore – I don’t have time to make myself food. What the heck… I need food fast, but I don’t need fast food. I’m perfectly content eating salads, fruits and drinking my tea but I can’t drive thru for any of that and that seems to be the majority of the problem. I either A.) Need a mom to make me food (not that mine would anyways, I asked her to make me a sandwich last week and she laughed at me, not like she has in ohhh… *looking at watch* five years or so) B.) Get a girl friend who will make me food. C.) Gain Ghandi like skills and just stop eatting all together. This may indeed be the most pointless entry I have ever written. I’m pretty sure it is.

Sumnmer Projects:
Purchases-
Fender Jaguar, Fender Mustang, Fender Jagstang or Gibson SG — $700.00 – $900.00
Pimped out Dell. — $800.00
Air conditioning in my car would help. — $450.00 (stupid dodge)
Bigger amp, Marshall Stack would be nice – but the fender frontman 212 looks nice. — $350.00-$700.00
More affects for batman’s sake! Boss DS-2 Turbo Distortion Stomp Box for starters. $85.00
Fender Standard Jazz Bass — $350.00
Need an actual bass amp — $300.00
Camcorder with firewire port for digitally editing video — $300.00
(My hobbies are too expensive, I need to collect pop sickle sticks or something)

Objectives-
Move out of house, find apartment
Get promoted quickly at new job
Start and finish writing 2 movie script ideas — 1 Comedy 1 Suspense
Film the comedy as cheaply as possible
Find people to make killer music with
Fly to LA for a few days.
Drive to Ma. to visit great aunt and uncle

Interestingly enough, I should be able to do most of this if not all.

So things are… blah. I have just been so swamped with work and all the other nonsense of being a responsible adult. I only have a few minutes then I have to go for a job interview at Washington Mutual, I hear a lot of people don’t like working there but they obviously never made koolaid. They pay better to start than what I am making now and I would be working less suicidal hours, which is good. I have my tenative schedule for the fall made up, I will post that later on. I am taking a lot of 101s since I am way behind. English 101 and Psychology 101, History 204, Music 101 and Music 102 I think. I am looking forward to it though, I think I will try a bit harder this semester. In the mean time I plan on working and hopefully moving out of this place. Also need to buy a new computer before this one gets thrown through a wall. I wish I had more time to play guitar, I play as much as possible but it was easier when I didn’t have to work FRIDAYS, wtf. “Oh, you have to come in Friday too.”, gee thanks. At least it’s easy over time, it’s like an extra $100.00 so that is good I guess. I really wish I had more time, this sucks – there is so much I want to do but don’t have the time. I plan on writing a script over the summer, I had a very good idea for a suspense/super hero type movie. I am excited to write it because I think I could sell it but I have no damn time. Well, that’s all for now.
~Ryan