Again I warn you before you waste your time reading onward – I live a boring life! That being said, here is basically what I did last week…. uhhh worked, went to college, tried to sleep (failed most of the time) – then we get to Friday. I passed up friends and other activities and went to bible study for quite a few hours and I am very happy about it. I felt so much closer to god than I do even in church, I think it was because I made a sacrifice for it. Some of you probably think what a dork he is, or duh he’s changed – but the truth is yes I am a dork, but not because of religion and no I haven’t changed I just am much more open about it than I was before. I honestly could feel his presence, my body felt very warm and 3 times I felt like a shiver run through me – I can’t really describe it much better than that. I prayed so hard and long, I prayed for basically everyone and everything I could think of – if you are reading this I probably prayed for you. Saturday was boring, I stayed home – woohoo. But I did order a new PA system for whatever band I wind up working on so that is good. Church was great as usual, one of the girls who is an acolyte was very sad because her grandma died earlier in the morning (who was also a member of the church) and I felt very bad because I could relate to her, my grandma and I were very good friends as well. Segway – next saturday is her burial – grandma’s that is, which is sad for me but I am also very happy because I will get to see my great aunt and uncle again! I wish I had known them more growing up because they are so amazing, but I am glad I got to know them a bit during all of this. Oh, the people at church asked me to join the choir so what the heck, I guess I start sunday. I would write more but I hate this computer.
~Ryan

I guess my life is a pretty bland thing but I’m trying to make the best of it. Patrick and Nathan are home from wherever they were last, so I saw them at Dan G’s saturday night along with the old crew. So, that was awesome I suppose; of course I would have traded it away for someone else but that is beyond the point, just incase you happen to be reading now you know. I went to the mall and bought some sweet new shoes (later to discover Ryan C also has them) which is okay because we aren’t like little bitch girls anymore who get pissed when someone has the same gear. I picked up some pants because I pretty much have thrashed most of mine and I don’t even know how, I am so much like a three toed sloth as far as being active lately. I suppose I am getting ahead of myself, I played guitar with Aaron Friday night as we are working on our set for the show thinger next month which I am pretty excited about, Nate is willing to drum so we will all have to get together sometime over the weekend and work on stuff. Of course, playing guitar was a second best but then again maybe I am second best and superficial people rank higher on the importance list. I bought a new cell phone which can destroy small countries it’s that advanced, I went with cingular because verizon are a bunch of fuckers. Random thing that pisses me off, people who just show up to parties – when the hell did any of us hang out with the abercrombie wearing hick boys who decided to show up? I would also like to reinforce the fact that I am the lamest party person ever I visit for a while, last one there first one to go – I don’t drink or do anything, I guess I am responsible, or maybe I just don’t see the need to destroy myself. I am exhausted now, bye.
~Ryan

If you know what the subject refers to you rock. Friday I went to Dan G’s house which was fun, of course I am not into the party scene but I do enjoy seeing my friends because they rock. Joe and I talked Dale, Jesse and I talked the job scene, somehow I wound up talking about setting up Cisco routers fast – which was cool, and Craig played some hard core music. Saturday I worked for a while, then changed my break pads, went to mom’s changed my spark plugs just because and then visited Kelly for a while who by the way is beautiful – sunburned and in pajama pants. Yesterday was a very good day. Church was very good even though I spent a good amount of time moving stuff because I’m the only young person who attends on a regular basis. I went to go talk to my Uncle John about being my godfather and at first I didn’t think he was home so I just drove past but then I turned around and he happened to be in the middle of the road chasing down his dog which lead me to bible study with him, my aunt, and cousins Tim and Phil – all of whom I haven’t seen in a long time so it was great seeing them and bible study was very awesome as well. It was very relaxed yet exciting at the same time, which is how I prefer things – I don’t really enjoy people shouting hallelujah every time someone talks or speaking in tongues… weirds me out. I was excited because this morning I opened my bible right to something I was talking about a few days before but couldn’t remember where it was. That is the second time that has happened in the past few days, so I feel like I am doing something right. I know I don’t exactly run around parading my religion and trying to convert everyone or witness to people, I am much more reserved than that – but there are times, more and more often where I will share what I know and experienced and the positive reactions are very overwhelming, It’s very hard to explain everything I am feeling right now because there are just so many things. If anyone wants to talk about anything – I mean anything, ask me questions tell me I’m crazy – whatever, please proceed to do so.
~Ryan

I occupy a lot of my time thinking, mainly about what is in the future. I hope to leave this region all together within a year or two, maybe even sooner. I think I will stick around a bit longer to see what develops. The three options I am considering mainly are Los Angeles, CA., Virgina Beach, Va., and Charleston, SC. I haven’t been to LA yet but I love the other two places a lot and wish I could live in both of them at the same time. So moving on to where I am now. Work is slowly destroying me, the inhalation of the crap in the air has left me with a pretty consistent cough and congestion – there is no way I can continue to work there much longer. I figure until the end of the semester and then I will begin to search for another job, I realistically only need to make half of what I make now but I’ve grown accustomed to not having to worry about how much money is in my bank account. If I have to work to jobs to make up for the loss on revenue then I will do it, I am not made for factory work and nobody really is anyway. There should be stronger health regulations for the employees, the product itself is regulated to hell. Back tracking to yesterday, our reverend was stuck in Cape Cod because of the bad weather so we had a nice morning prayer service instead of Eucharist and communion. One of the ladies in charge wants me to become an acolyte even though I am too old to start the training I guess – me being a loser instantly mentally compared that to Star Wars (Anakin being too old to become a jedi). I would definitely be an acolyte after my baptism, and there isn’t much of an age range in the members of the church – there is really young, me, older->really old. I talked to Kelly yesterday a good amount which was awesome, I feel like I do too much talking though. Hopefully I will see her soon. In other news I need to move out of this place before I go crazy, if anyone with a job would be interested in looking for a house to rent or a good sized apartment let me know. Emphasis on WITH A JOB, I won’t pay for anyone else or pay more – it is going to have to be a fair division. I guess that is all there is to say for now.
~Ryan

The sun rose particularly high in the crisp and cold morning, and with it came warmth and renewal. The white blanket covering the land subsided and soon the only thing visible was green. With this came life, plants sprung up high stretching out towards the sun as green buds opened like closed fists waiting to receive the light from the sun and animals emerged from the comfort of their wooded forests to bask in the beautiful day. Sitting upon a large rock was a man who was watching this all in wonder and awe. Flowers rose at his feet and opened before his eyes to greet him and continue to inspire, and then he too suddenly was filled with a renewed vitality that coursed though his body as the long depressing winter finally had met it’s end. A smile formed from the stern face as he gave thanks. He no longer felt lonely, he no longer felt despair. Although he was alone the time he spent quietly in thought, meditating and praying had made the haze of doubt dissipate – the answers he sought were within his reach all along. Happiness came in the form of spring.