I have decided that perhaps it is time to make the mysteries of this site known to everyone. Some of this story may be difficult to comprehend at times but when you read please be open minded and keep in time a few things.

1.) Sometimes universes can over lap each other causing strange and mysterious events.
2.) If you meet your future self, be sure to listen to every word the future you will tell you.
3.) There are many secrets in the sky that cannot be fathomed by mortal minds.

Keeping this in mind, I will start this story not exactly from my perspective – rather that of the future version of myself.

“The sun shone rose above the grand Appalachian Mountains as I woke to start a new day. My small but humble cabin had served its purpose in the tremendous storm that had swept over the region the night before. I’m a simple man; I keep to myself and live in the mountains. I have very little money or contact with the outside world. One day I decided I finally had enough of the peace and quiet. I sold my house and all my possessions and took the money I had received and bought a plane and one other thing, a web domain so that everyone would know who I am and love and appreciate me. After a few minutes of playing with the controls, I was in the air. A grand banner sprawled out in the sky behind me spelling out RYANKENWARD.COM but only a few people seemed to notice. I knew I had to reach a larger demographic. So for two days, I flew higher and higher; neglecting sleep, food, drink, personal hygiene and any other possible distractions. Alas, a world of wonders had been revealed to me – a magical orchestra in the sky being lead by the sun. I flew up to get a closer view. The sun was distracted by me as I flew past his face and he was not pleased. Suddenly the sky began to change flashing in and out psychedelic colors and I soon realized that my time had over lapped with your time (Speaking to me of the year 2005) – but the sun had actually done me a great favor. I set out to find you, and now I am here to tell you of the orchestra in the sky and what you will become. All hope is not lost though; you now have a chance to make something of us. All the people will love us if we share our adventures with them, here – take my plane and fly the banner across the sky. The future belongs to you Ryan.”

As I took the keys to the plane and climbed up to the pilot’s seat I was filled with inspiration. I set off to fly past all the most famous sites in the world. I went straight around the globe. Some of the places I went over were, New York City, Boston, Lake Loch Ness, London, Madagascar, Beijing, Sydney, Anchorage, Los Angeles, San Antonio and finally my home town of Attica where I returned to a hero’s welcome. I had done it, the world would know who I am now and I would be loved by all. I no longer had the need to retreat from civilization and live in the small mountain cabin. Future me came to me and whispered two things to me – one of them, was the true meaning of life. I was made to promise that I would never tell of all the complex wonders of the sky orchestra and the wisdom revealed to him other than the fact that it does exist. Secondly, he told me where to invest my money – kangaroo kick boxing. In the year 2023, it will be a national sport and will replace football and baseball as America’s most watched sporst.

Please continue to join me as I give you stories from my life.
~Ryan Kenward

Last time I left you, I had just gotten to the part where I found the mansion with the pony farm which was owned by the spoiled little rich girl. I offered the young girl everything I had, but a rich girl has everything so what did she need my crap for? Alas, I was defeated. I returned home disappointed. I was unable to get a pony for my much loved friend, and now she would surely leave. What was I to do? Any normal person would just admit that he was out of his league, of course I have never been known to be a normal person. I sat down at a large drafting board and began designing a mechanical pony. After hours had passed I was ready to begin the actual work involved with creating this pony. Soon sweat was running down my face as the sun rose high above me with it’s intense heat. Completely focused and determined, I continued to work. Day turned to night and I was still working on the mechanical pony. Soldering, welding and eating sandwiches. Eight hours, twenty six minutes and thirty two seconds later I had completed my work. The pony was perfect, or so I thought. I made a critical mistake however, I built this pony and it was running off of Windows XP. Basically this pony was 99.8% pure Microsoft evilness. I had only one choice but to destroy it before it could destroy my friend and possibly the world. It was cunning, but I finally found it’s weak spot. Using a poorly written program I was able to find several exploits and shut it down. After this I decided it was for the best that the pony be destroyed. So after all my work, that was it. It was the end. I had no pony and my friend had run out of time. So this would be the end of my tale. I am all alone once again, only being kept company by the friendly glow of a computer monitor displaying the software that caused all of my problems – Windows XP. Oh vile Microsoft how I loathe you.

Boy oh boy was today a crazy day. A very dear friend of mine is leaving and in a last attempt to get her to reconsider I offered her a pony. Did I know where the hell I was going to get a pony? Of course not, I have no clue lucky for me I have connections. So she was pleased to hear this and agreed. So I set out in unknowing where I would be going to find this Pony. My good friend Sal the Giant offered me some advice – he said, “when you want to get a Pony just travel North and carry a bushel of carrots.” It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Off I went walking perfectly North. With compass in hand and a bushel of carrots under my right arm I had no idea where I might end up. After a short while I found myself walking in the darkest forest I had ever seen in my life. Eerie noises echoed throughout the forest and I began to feel that this may not have been such a good idea. Rustling came from a large thicket, “Could this be a pony?” I wondered. Surely, it was not a Pony. It was actually a vampire, and damn do I hate vampires. Lucky for me, I just happened to be wearing my brand new Axe – garlic scented so the Vampire was not such a threat after all. Then I began to question Sal’s advice, maybe North wasn’t the right way to go. With this in mind I turned around 180 degrees and began walking South. The journey felt like it was going much quicker now, within a matter of minutes I had left that dark forest and all seemed to be okay. The crows began to fly over head just waiting for me to show any sign of weakness, and ravens were in the trees eyeing me carefully. I would not give them the satisfaction of eating my carcass today. I continued on in lieu of their persistent cawing. Soon I had found myself at the door of a large mansion and what was in the back but a large pony farm! Alas I had done it. However, all of these ponies belonged to a single spoiled rich girl who was not willing to share.

TO BE CONTINUED…

The weekend spent along the banks of Lake Loch Ness was well worth the cost. Friday evening I took a personal flight upon the back of a mystical dragon to the lake. The voyage across the Atlantic was awe inspiring yet somewhat terrifying because this dragon was either a bit slow or quite possibly somewhat intoxicated. At any rate, we finally arrived just as the sun was setting over the glistening and pristine lake. Before giving the dragon the proper amount I owed him he stumbled into a few near by cottages and completely demolished them. Due to this and a somewhat perilous journey I only gave him 5 Canadian dollars and a hand full of magic beans, though not happy he understood my decision (I’ve also been informed today that he has joined up with DAA – Dragon Alcoholics Anonymous) and is on the way to recovery. After setting up camp and getting the fire going I sprawled out under the stars in hopes that my good friend Nessie would arrive in time for a late night supper. Nessie does not disappoint, she arrived in high spirits as we shared a meal in the warm Scottish night. She told me of her recent run ins with various anti-Nessie organizations and how those whom I am affiliated with in the most secret society around to protect Nessie had been so wonderful to her. We spent the evening regaling each other with many wondrous and enchanting stories until the sun began to rise. I shook Nessie’s flipper, gave her a big hug and then waved as she sank beneath the dark waves of the Loch. Since I was not overly pleased with my voyage back, I began to travel the Scottish countryside in search of a way home. After only a miles journey I met Ralph the unicorn who agreed to take me home at a very reasonable price. So I set up my saddle on Ralph’s back in a flash we were on our way. A rainbow road appeared beneath his hooves in the sky as I made my way across the Atlantic once again. We arrived at my house around 6:45PM EST; I paid him, thanked him for his service and in an instant he was off on his way once again and I was home. I certainly had a wonderful time.

Yours Truly,
Ryan T Kenward.