its eleven o’clock and i just put down the 3 day old arby’s sandwich when i realized it didn’t taste quite right.  now i’m back to gingerly sipping at my jug of orange juice.  yay for vitamin c.  i wish i could sleep, there is too much on my mind and its like an easy bake oven in my room (thanks air force!) – good thing they turned the heat on here in arizona. ew that sandwich may very well kill me.  oh she loves me.  bad after taste, fuck you arby’s!  i have to raise flags in 8 hours.  tomorrow will be a long day… we have pt in the afternoon.  sigh…  i am clearly not focused well right now… i think its exhaustion but this damned heat…  bitches.

-me (of course)

It’s amazing to look back and see how much more active I used to be with this sort of thing, blogging, making creative content, so on and so forth and how much more interaction I used to get and how many more views I used to get… not much anymore.  I guess going into the Air Force has changed my life quite a bit, and in a sense has made me more boring.  I don’t have the ability to do the things I used to and everything I do now is classified.  So…

I am currently living on an army base in Sierra Vista, Az (Ft. Huachuca) – it is pretty remote out here in the southern part of the state on the border of Mexico surrounded by mountains.  For the most part the weather is perfect, the scenery is gorgeous and the people are nice.  There isn’t much out here and that really doesn’t bother me too much.  The thin air sucks quite a bit for running but the three mile battalion run last Friday went fine for me.  I certainly miss home, and I certainly miss Claire (oops) – always on my mind.  I am coming home for Thanksgiving which I am looking forward to very much.  I am progressing very well through my training here and am hoping to graduate early.  Then I get my leave before going to Korea for a year… blah.  So many things on my mind and so many things I don’t know how to say.  My life is far from where I ever thought it would be… Oh well…  I guess that’s all… I need sleep now.

-Ryan

The overman…Who has organized the chaos of his passions, given style to his character, and become creative. Aware of life’s terrors, he affirms life without resentment.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Wow… life is weird. It seems like part of my life died and now there other things are opening up in other directions but such a big part of me just wants things the way they were. What’s a confused airman to do? I just want to be happy…

oh bother…
- ryan

maybe i’ll just take the words of john lennon to heart:

People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I’m o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you’re not happy now you no longer play the game

People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I’m doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don’t you miss the big time boy you’re no longer on the ball

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind
I tell them there’s no hurry
I’m just sitting here doing time

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go